Meet the Elves
by SweetDeamon
Summary: In which Remus' parental skills fail abysmally, leaving Santa and his elves to suffer the consequences! A Christmas one-shot in the Meet the... 'ficverse. RLNT. Merry Christmas!


_Note: Well it's that time of year again, and I figured it was about time I wrote some sort of festive story! _

_This is the second one shot set in the Meet the... 'ficverse, and it occurs the Christmas after Meet the Muggles, making our favourite muggle and her best friend twelve years old! It was inspired by Carrie, Teddy and Remus' trip to the Christmas Fair the previous year during Meet the Lupins. It's time for another trip to giggle at Santa and his Elves, only this time Remus' pleas for good behaviour are about to fall on deaf ears..._

_**For any newcomers:** all you need to know is that this is an AU 'ficverse in which Remus and Tonks survived the final battle. Carrie Winters is a muggle girl who moved in next door to the Lupins, befriended Teddy and found out about the Magical World. Cleopatra "Cleo" Clancy is Carrie's friend from school, who is entirely clueless about real magic, but believes herself to be an expert witch anyway!_

_Naturally, it being Christmas, this 'fic contains a sprinkling of snow, a jolly fat man with a beard, some candy canes, lots of giggling, an elf or two and some (poor) attempts at humour. Consider yourselves warned!_

_It also contains the return of Cleo, because we've not seen much of her for the past few 'fics, and I know some people are rather fond of her!_

_So, **Merry Christmas to all of my wonderful readers!** Thank you for all of your reviews this past year, if it wasn't for all of you I honestly wouldn't bother posting, so thanks very much! Here's hoping you all have a really great Christmas and a fantastic year to follow!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor am I making any profit from this piece of writing._

**Meet the Elves**

"Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, hurry..."  
>"Stop it, Ted. I'm going as fast as I can."<p>

"...up, hurry up, hurry up..."

"I said stop it, Ted..."

"Hurry up!"

"You heard your mother, Theodore, _be quiet_! And you can't go out in the snow like that, you'll catch your death. Go and fetch a hat and some gloves."

As she watched Teddy Lupin bolt back up the stairs with an impatient huff, narrowly avoiding stamping on his mother's fingers as she sat at the bottom of the stairs pulling on a pair of boots, Carrie Winters smothered a snigger into a mittened hand, rocking back on her heels in excitement.

"This is a bloody terrible idea." Dora Lupin was informing her husband far too loudly under her breath. "It'll end in disaster, mark my words..."

"Come on, Dora," Remus Lupin murmured as he tugged his hands into a pair of faded navy leather gloves. "It's Christmas..."

"BAH HUMBUG!" his son's voice bellowed from somewhere upstairs, causing Carrie to let out a rather high pitched giggle.

"...he behaved himself last time and besides, it can hardly end as badly as last year!" the werewolf finished, offering his wife a raised eyebrow and a hand. As Dora allowed him to pull her up onto her feet, a noise similar to a dozen reindeers' thundering hooves announced Teddy's reappearance, and the young wizard bolted down the stairs, now adorned with an alarmingly bright orange hat that clashed with his turquoise hair.

"Mum's being a Scrooge because Minister Shacklebolt won't give her the day off on Christmas Eve!" the boy announced as he darted past his parents and came to a skidding halt at his best friend's side. "So she reckons when she _doe_s have a day off like today we should all be boring and miserable..."

"I'll give you boring and miserable!" Dora muttered, reaching to shove a hand into the pocket of her coat with far more force than was necessary. "C'mere!" When Teddy merely eyed her apprehensively, she pulled her purse free form her pocket and asked him: "Well? D'you want some spending money or not?"

Teddy half-skipped back down the hallway, hand held out keenly.

"No more chocolate, d'you hear?" his mother instructed as she fished out a crumpled five pound note from the bottom of her purse and handed it over to him. "Evidently you've had quite enough already...and _I saw that_, Remus."

As he hastily stopped nodding his head vigorously, Remus dropped the hand that had been pointing meaningfully at his own chest to step forward and take hold of his wife by the arm.

"Shall we, then?" he asked, clearing his throat rather meaningfully, and Dora glanced down the hallway to inquire:

"D'you have some money, Carrie love?"

"Yes, thanks." the muggle said, patting the pocket of her red coat with a broad grin.

"Alright then, lead the way Red Riding Hood!" the Auror instructed, eliciting an exasperated sigh from her husband as he murmured:

"Hilarious..."

"I do try." the witch informed him proudly, as Carrie turned to pull open the front door.

"_Ten hags standing beneath the mistletoe!_

_But just how far will good will go?_

_Show some spirit, give one a kiss!_

_Close your eyes and hope to miss!_

_Ooooooh!_

_Nine hags standing beneath the mistletoe..."_

As she and Teddy made their way down the street towards the centre of town, crisp snow crunching under their boots, the young metamorphmagus singing merrily at the top of his lungs, Carrie Winters couldn't help but feel that this Christmas was going to be the best one yet. There wasn't much that could top her first Christmas holiday whilst living next door to the Lupins the previous year, except for one thing: Spending Christmas Day at their house.

Not that this was a real possibility, the muggle mused as Teddy began yet another raucous verse, because they would be spending the majority of the day at The Burrow. But unlike the year before Carrie and her family would not be making the long car ride over to her grandparents' house, instead their extended family would be coming for Christmas in Eddington. Carrie was pretty sure that she could sneak next door at some point during the morning whilst her mother was doing battle with the turkey and roast potatoes, before Teddy and his parents had left the house.

She might only be there for half an hour or so, and yet it was an exciting prospect to say the least!

The muggle glanced over her shoulder to see Remus and Dora walking just behind them, both eying their son wearily.

"Well I've never sung it in front of him..." Remus was mumbling, apparently a little appalled, and Dora's face contorted almost as if she were in pain as Teddy threw his arms out dramatically with another _oooooh!_

"Me neither...they tried to ban it, you know, they said it was bad taste..."

"Funny, though..."

"Oh yes, very funny...but he didn't hear it off me. _I_ only sing the dirty version!"

"School, perhaps?"

"Mm..."

Both parents frowned thoughtfully for a long moment, the witch biting her lip in consideration before they both glanced sideways at one another, jointly concluding:

"_Ron_..."

"So!" Teddy exclaimed, apparently bored of his singing, much to his parents' relief, "what are you going to ask Santa to bring you for Christmas, Carrie?"

"Um..." Carrie sucked in a deep breath, the chilly air rushing down her throat making her shiver. "I'm not sure yet...there are some DVDs I'd like. And I need a new wristwatch...Cleo buried my last one in her back garden and forgot where she left it..."

"Buried it in her back garden?"

"Mm...she was trying to build some sort of magical time machine."

Teddy let out a snort of laughter as they rounded the corner, the twinkling of Eddington High Street's Christmas lights casting an enchanting glow upon the street ahead.

"Well," the young wizard beamed as his eyes came to rest keenly upon the fair's centre piece: an elaborate structure of fairy lights and tinsel that made up a make-shift Santa's Grotto, a long line of children waiting eagerly with their parents to see the man himself, "Make sure you tell him that when we go and see Santa...and his _elves_, won't you?"

"Nobody's going to see Santa, _or his elves_." Remus interrupted sharply. "We went over this last year, didn't we Ted? For one thing, you're much too old, and..."

"They're wearing glittery stockings this year!" Teddy exclaimed, face alight with glee, and Dora muttered:

"Told you it was a bad idea..."

"Theodore," Remus began, voice desperately stern. "Listen to me very carefully, you _will not_ go anywhere near Santa's Grotto and you _will not, _and I mean _absolutely will not_, attempt to laugh at, talk to or in any way torment his elves."

"Elves!" Teddy sniggered, as if the mere word was quite possibly the most hilarious thing that he had ever come across, and Carrie was forced to bite her tongue in an attempt to keep a straight face.

"I mean it, Ted." Remus insisted, half-heartedly enough that Carrie suspected he thought attempting reason was probably entirely pointless. "Don't cause a scene and ruin things for those children over there, because I don't care how funny it is..."

"It is funny though, isn't it Dad? Santa's ELVES!"

"...if you so much as snigger at them..."

"It's a bit late for that to be honest, Sweetheart." Dora pointed out, apparently sniggering herself.

"...alright, if you so much as...as..."

"Oh look, Carrie!" Teddy exclaimed, apparently not listening to his father's feeble protest in the slightest, "That sweet stall's twice the size of the one they had last year!"  
>And with that, he reached to seize hold of his friend by the arm and the two of them made a beeline for the nearest stall, Carrie managing a fleeting apologetic glance over her shoulder at the two adults, which she suspected hadn't helped much because she had been grinning from ear to ear.<p>

Carrie and Teddy made their way through the street, examining every stall with an abundance of enthusiasm, even the dull collection of pickles and jams that were being sold by a sullen looking teenager wearing a slightly bent pair of reindeer antlers. They lingered at the sweets stall, where Teddy barely resisted the urge to buy an enormous slab of raspberry white chocolate, and at a jewellery stand Carrie had picked out a festive necklace made up of Christmas pudding-shaped beads for her mother's present.

"I just need something for Cleo." the muggle mused as she tucked her purchase into her pocket, and she and Teddy looked searchingly around for some sort of inspiration.

"You could buy her sone jam or something." Teddy suggested with a grin. "Stick a new label on the jar, make out it's some sort of potion..."

"No, she'd probably flip and go on about how I don't understand the true magical properties of fruit, and how strawberries are only half as magical as bananas and therefore I should have bought her a scarf instead."

"Well, let's go and look at the scarves then!"

As they set off back towards the brightly coloured stall selling scarves and hats, they were at long last waylaid by Teddy's fascination of the customs of Muggle Christmas.

"I just don't believe it," the young wizard informed the muggle stood beside him for what Carrie suspected was the hundredth time that day, "How on earth could anybody think that's an elf? He doesn't look anything like an elf!"

"Well obviously most muggles have never seen a real elf, have they?" Carrie reminded him, a little exasperated. "How are we supposed to know what an elf should look like if we've never seen one?"

Teddy gave an unconvinced little huff, folding his arms firmly across his chest.

"Well you managed with dragons well enough!" he grumbled, and the muggle gave a shrug.

"Maybe things would be different," she mused, "if St. George had slain an elf. Now come on, let's go and look at those scarves!"

"Even for a fake elf, that one there looks pretty rubbish." Teddy complained, pointing at the nearest tinsel and bell-clad individual who was sitting slumped up against the side of Santa's sleigh, silently handing out candy canes to the passing children with not so much as a smile.

"Don't point at him!" Carrie hissed, reaching to grab hold of her friend by the arm, yanking it downwards. "Now come on, you heard your dad, no tormenting the elves..."

"I'm not tormenting him!" Teddy protested, a wicked grin upon his face betraying any semblance of innocence. "I'm sympathising with him! He's doing a rubbish job because he'd much rather be sitting at home playing his Zbox!"

"Xbox, Ted..."

"I know, that's what I said! I bet...I bet he's Santa's son and Santa's dragged him out here to try and make him join in, even though he doesn't want to. D'you know what, Carrie?"

"What, Ted?"

"I bet I would make a better elf than him!"

Carrie paused, midway through a futile tug upon the sleeve of Teddy's coat. At the distinctly mischievous expression that adorned the young wizard's face, the muggle instantly started to giggle.

And so ensued a fierce mental battle in Carrie's head as she watched Teddy turn on his heel and make a purposeful beeline for Santa's Grotto.

She should probably stop him, the muggle realised as she gritted her teeth in an attempt to stop giggling. She should do something, before he got himself into trouble...

Remus was going to be furious! And after near on a decade Dora might even stop threatening and _actually_ set fire to her son's collection of Chocolate Frog Cards...

As she began to idly search her surroundings for some sign of her best friend's parents, musing that she couldn't help but feel that she didn't truly wish to spot them, Carrie soon became resigned to the reality of the situation:

She wasn't going to do anything. Because the prospect of whatever drama was about to ensue was simply far too amusing.

Once she had reached this conclusion, Carrie turned back to look towards the Grotto, only to find that Teddy had seemingly disappeared...

"Ted...?" she called uncertainly, setting off towards the twinkling lights and tinsel. Where in Merlin's name had he gone? Surely she had only taken her eyes off of him for a second...

Carrie supposed she ought have known better, after all it was a well known fact that when it came to Teddy Lupin and the Muggle World, leaving him to his own devices for even half a second was _far_ _too long_...

The unenthusiastic teenaged elf had also disappeared, his stash of candy canes abandoned upon the sleigh, an enthusiastic free-for-all as a horde of squabbling children made a grab for their share of candy. Carrie spotted another elf, this one a tubby woman dressed in too-tight stockings and an abundance of tinsel wrapped around a large, floppy hat, and was just about to head over and ask her if she had seen her wayward friend when a loud shout from across the street made her pause.

"OI! CARRIE!"

Carrie turned to squint through the crowds of people swarming up and down the street, and could just about make out a familiar figure dressed in a dark puffer jacket and a pair of over-sized pink Barbie wellington boots, jumping up and down and waving enthusiastically at her.

Carrie turned her back on the Grotto and hurried across the street towards her friend Cleo Clancy, and upon reaching her very nearly walked face-first into the palm that was thrust out in front of her.

"Don't. Say. ANYTHING!" the dark haired self-proclaimed witch demanded, gaze darting meaningfully down towards her feet with a look of complete and utter revulsion.

Carrie ignored her.

"Early Christmas present, are they?" she asked, sniggering at the girly abominations that adorned the tomboy's feet, and Cleo's expression grew poisonous.

"I wanted to burn them when Mum dug them out of my sister's wardrobe." she grumbled, folding her arms moodily across her chest. "But then Bowie pointed out that they were the only pair in the house that would fit me, and Mum said I couldn't wear my other shoes because of the holes I burnt into them last week."

Carrie opened her mouth to ask how on earth she had managed to burn holes in her shoes, but promptly closed it again. She probably didn't want to know...

"What's in the bag?" she asked instead, gesturing to the blue plastic bag that Cleo was clutching in one hand, and as she reached to pull it open and thrust it under Carrie's nose, Cleo informed her:

"It's Bowie's Christmas present."

As she eyed the flowery cloth purse that, according to it's label, was stuffed full of chocolates, Carrie raised an eyebrow.

"Not for me, then?" she asked with a grin, only for it to fade a little when her friend announced:

"Nope! I've already got your present, I made it myself!"

Despite the frosty air that had brought colour to her cheeks, Carrie felt herself pale.

_Dear God, how terrifying..._

She swallowed the lump in her throat and hastily plastered a fresh grin onto her face.

"Cool!" she managed, glancing around them desperately in an attempt to change the subject. "Have you been to see Santa yet?" she joked, only for Cleo's eyes to widen in horror and she cried:

"God, no! No, you won't see me anywhere near that place! Not if you paid me...they're bloody creepy, I don't like them! Never have, I screamed this street down when Mum tried to take me there when I was little."

Stepping to stand at Cleo's side, Carrie turned back to gaze over at the Grotto again, watching as yet another toddler was set down upon Santa's knee, his face alight with excitement as Santa let out an enthusiastic _Ho, ho, ho!_

"What's creepy?" Carrie asked, frowning a little as the war over the candy canes continued to rage.

"ELVES!" Cleo half-shrieked, eyes widening in horror. "They're EVIL! Just...LOOK AT THEM!"

Carrie watched a short elf in a too-large hat that was slipping down over his eyes step out from around Santa's sleigh and begin to wade through the sea of children towards the besieged box of candy canes.

"What's so evil about people dressed in stockings and jingling a few bells around?" she wondered, attempting not to laugh, and failing almost immediately.

"Don't laugh, Carrie." Cleo muttered, glowering over at her apparent arch-enemies. "It's not funny."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't."

"It really is."

"It really isn't! You wouldn't understand, anyway..."

Carrie pursed her lips together to smother her sniggering.

"No," she murmured, "I don't expect I would..."

It was then that the two girls heard somebody calling Cleo's name, and Cleo turned to glance down the street with a groan.

"She's found me." she muttered. "I was hoping she'd stay at the soap stand for at least another ten minutes so that I could buy Dad's present in peace." As Carrie turned to spot her friend's older sister, dressed in a glittery fake-fur coat and swathed in an enormous glittery pink scarf with matching beret, Cleo observed: "You know, I think there are laws against wearing that much glitter this time of year. People might assume you're shop-lifting tinsel..."

"Shut up, Squirt." Bowie instructed cheerfully as she came to a halt at Carrie's side. "Alright, Carrie?"

"Hi Bowie."

"Have you been to see Santa yet? I was just about to take Cleo..."

"Shut up, Barbie!"

With a lip-gloss smothered smirk, Bowie reached to grab hold of her little sister by the arm.

"Mum's been looking for you." she said as she towed Cleo forwards a few steps. "They're selling wellington boots down by the newsagents. There's a really nice pair I think would suit you, they're bright yellow with teddy bears all over them. Mum reckons they'll fit you, so if you don't go and see her she'll probably just buy them..."

"Liar." Cleo accused, but Carrie couldn't help but think that she looked rather worried.

"See you later, shall I?" she guessed, and Cleo gave a sharp nod.

"See you!" she exclaimed, and with that she set off down the slush-covered road at a precarious run.

Once alone again, Carrie turned her attention back to her missing friend and she hurried back across the street towards the Grotto. Sidling up to the little raised platform, where Santa was just setting his latest visitor back down upon her feet, the muggle shot the waiting children an apologetic smile as she asked:

"Um...excuse me...Santa?"

Santa paused midway through itching his fake beard to look round at the girl, and promptly let out a loud exclamation of:

"Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you too," Carrie said as the next child in the line, a small girl with flaming red pigtails, bounced up and down in anticipation. "I was just wondering if you'd seen a boy, he's got turquoise hair and he's wearing a bright orange..."

She was cut off abruptly to feel a hand clamp down upon her shoulder and a worryingly familiar voice cried:

"If you want to sit on Santa's knee, little girl, you'll have to go to the back of the queue! Don't worry, Santa's a very busy man, but he always makes time for good boys and girls...you _have_ been a good girl this year, haven't you?"

Carrie Winters turned around to face Teddy Lupin, struggling to keep a straight face as she took in his over-sized hat, lurid yellow stockings and bell-covered tunic.

_Sweet Merlin, how on earth...!_

For a long moment she only managed to stare at him in silence, an odd mixture of stunned disbelief, hysterical amusement and stout disapproval suffocating any words that sprung to mind.

"I'd say I've been better than _some_." she finally concluded, eying him meaningfully, but the young wizard merely grinned wickedly at her, thrusting a potful of candy canes under her nose with an exclamation of:

"Excellent! Would you like a candy cane?"

"Oh, I'd love one!" Carrie muttered, seizing hold of the pot and yanking it from his grasp. Grabbing hold of Santa's latest helper by the arm, she led him hurriedly away from the crowd, back towards the sleigh.

"What are you DOING?" she hissed when they came to an abrupt halt, depositing the candy down upon the edge of the sleigh. "Your parents are going to kill you! What...how did you...where in Merlin's name did this come from?"

At her wild gesturing at his suitably festive attire, Teddy proudly jingled a bell-adorned boot.

"Admit it, I make an AWESOME elf!"

"Did you steal the costume?"

"What? No, of course not!" Teddy cried, sounding rather offended at the notion, only to grin widely as he told her: "I told you that boy looked bored! Look, he even let me borrow his tinsel belt..."

"Teddy," Carrie began again through gritted teeth, struggling to remain the sensible one. "Your mum and dad..."

"Won't even notice because they're both far too old to come and sit on Santa's knee to tell him what they want for Christmas!" Teddy finished for her, only to frown deeply as he amended: "Well...Dad is anyway..." The wizard-turned-elf scrunched his face up in disapproval as he endeavoured: "If Uncle Charlie dresses up as Santa again this Christmas Eve, I swear to Merlin I'm going to have to hide the fire whiskey somewhere Mum can't find it..."

At long last, Carrie allowed herself to giggle, and she found that once she had started she simply couldn't stop. She laughed and laughed, clutching her stomach in hysterics and Teddy rolled his eyes at her as he reached to retrieve the pot of candy.

"Your making me look unprofessional." he informed the muggle seriously as he stepped forward towards a passing mother and child with a bright offer of: "Happy Christmas! Would you like a candy cane?"

As the little boy reached eagerly to accept the festive confectionary, his mother asked:

"And what do we say to the kind elf, Liam?"

"Thank you very, very much." the child chorused, as if he were reading lines from a play, and Teddy sniggered a little and told him:

"Your very welcome!"

The boy's mother looked a little bemused as to what was funny, but nevertheless smiled sweetly before leading her son on up the road. Teddy promptly turned his back on them and dissolved into giggles.

"Stop laughing!" Carrie demanded, still very much amused herself. "You're going to ruin things..."

"Did you hear that?" the young Gryffindor cried. "I'm a KIND ELF!" And with that, he doubled over with laughter.

"This is why your dad didn't want you to come anywhere near this place." Carrie pointed out as both little Liam and his mother glanced back at them in bemusement. "You're not taking it seriously..."

"Oh come on, Carrie!" Teddy snorted, retreating back towards the sleigh. "How can anybody take somebody wearing stockings, bells and a draping of tinsel even slightly seriously? You can't! You're laughing too!"

"That's because you make a stupid looking elf."

"No it isn't, it's because _everybody_ makes a stupid looking elf. You wait until we get home, I'll show you what a proper elf looks like and you'll laugh even more than you are now...HAPPY CHRISTMAS! Would you like a candy cane?"

Carrie watched her friend bolt back to waylay another group of shoppers. Just watching his over-sized hat bobbing back and forward with a jingle made her want to giggle again, and she supposed that in this bizarre situation only one thing was certain:

This was probably going to end badly. It was just a question of _when_.

At this thought, she looked searchingly up and down the street for some sign of Remus and Dora, but she failed to spot them anywhere in the crowds.

"Don't wizarding children think Santa has elves as helpers, then?" she wondered a few minutes later when Teddy had returned to her side, and the young wizard gave a shrug.

"Well he might do, but if he did we wouldn't ever see or hear about them. It's like the house elves at Hogwarts, isn't it? You never see them, if you didn't know better you might assume everything they do is just plain magic."

Carrie reached to pluck a candy cane out from the pot and for a moment stood sucking upon it thoughtfully, before she recalled:

"Cleo hates elves. She's _scared_ of them or something!"

Teddy turned slowly to face her, eyes widening with what was unmistakably glee.

"Cleo Clancy is frightened of elves?" he said, each syllable precisely pronounced as if he wanted to be crystal clear on the matter.

"Yep, that's what she said. She said they're evil."

"She said elves are evil?"

"Yep."

She could practically see the cogs inside his mind working furiously, the faster they spun the wider the grin upon his face and she felt a little apprehensive when he drew in a deep breath and breathed:

"That's...that's the most..._hilarious_ thing I've ever heard!' And with that he threw an arm around his friend's shoulders and declared: "I LOVE Christmas!"

"Me too." Carrie agreed as the two of the gazed idly across the street. There was a peaceful silence for a moment and she thought perhaps she had felt apprehension for no reason, but then Teddy decided:

"I'm going to chase her."

"What?" Carrie asked, turning to look up at him with wide eyes, and his look in return was pure mischief.

"Cleo! She's coming today, isn't she? If I see her I'm going to run after her and give her the biggest fright!"

"That's wicked." Carrie pointed out, voice muffled a little as she reached to press a mittened-hand to her mouth in amusement.

"It's genius."

"She'll kill you."

"I know."

"No really, she'll actually kill you. She's grab one of those rolls of wrapping paper over there and beat you to death with it."

"I know. But it would be worth it, wouldn't it?"

It took Carrie only half a second to admit:

"Yes...it would."

And so it was that when he caught sight of Cleo Clancy striding proudly down the icy street some fifteen minutes later, feet adorned with a brand new pair of shiny bottle green wellington boots, Teddy Lupin prepared to pounce...

But when she had set off down the road some five minutes earlier, having tossed the pair of pink monstrosities that she had finally been freed from into the nearest garden hedge, Cleo Clancy had been blissfully unaware that anything out of the ordinary was about to occur at all. She'd lingered at one stall to gawp at a large gingerbread house that had been lavishly iced and adorned with jelly sweets, before finally dragging herself away in order to go looking for a suitable gift to present to her father on Christmas Day. She'd bumped into Mr. and Mrs. Downton from next door and had wished them a very happy Christmas, and thanked them for the card they had posted through her door the previous afternoon. Then she'd crossed the street in advance to avoid Santa's Grotto, only to be distracted again by the wonderful, smoky smell of burning wood from the stall selling freshly roasted chestnuts in little paper bags, a long line of customers waiting to purchase the seasonal treat. As she set off again, snow crunching under her new boots, Cleo breathed in deeply, eyes fluttering closed for a brief moment.

The smell was _glorious_...

"RAAAAR!"

At the sudden blood-curdling cry, Cleo jumped, hastily spinning around towards the source of the noise, and promptly gasped in horror at the sight of one of Santa's elves running full pelt across the street towards her, wielding a fistful of candy canes that he was waving wildly around above his head, the bells upon his feet jingling threateningly, his hat thrown back from his manically grinning face as he ran shrieking towards her...

Cleo Clancy very nearly screamed as she leapt backwards in alarm, only to promptly trip over her own feet, falling back upon the icy ground with a _thump_! The sudden damp cold against her jeans made her flinch, and as the elf drew closer, the girl gritted her teeth in an attempt to steel her nerves. Then she blinked.

And then her eyes instantly narrowed.

_Teddy. Bloody. Lupin..._

Cleo stared up at the complete and utter glee upon the boy's face as he skidded to a halt a few feet in front of her, seemingly unaware of the crowds of people who had paused in their shopping to stare at him in both bemusement and disapproval.

"You...!" the girl managed to shriek, heart hammering furiously in her chest, and the insufferable boy promptly threw his head back and laughed.

Cleo simply couldn't believe it! She couldn't stand it! A boy as odd and silly as Teddy Lupin playing a prank on her, laughing at her?

It was absolutely, completely and utterly unforgivable!

And so it was that Cleo Clancy decided that she had no other choice but to teach Teddy Lupin a very big lesson indeed. Before he could stop laughing, the dark haired girl had reached to scoop up a large pile of snow, and no sooner had she gotten her hands on it, she compressed it into a tight ball and took precise aim at her new arch-nemesis' head. She was smug to see that for a moment the blow stuck him dumb, and as he stumbled back in surprise Cleo heard raucous laughter from behind her, and she glanced round to see a gang of children perched along the low wall outside of the Post Office.

"SNOWBALL FIGHT!" one girl shrieked excitedly as she jumped down from the wall.  
>"GET THE ELF!" the boy next to her exclaimed, dropping his candy cane to the ground as he stooped to scoop up some snow, and as the children all set about arming themselves, Cleo turned back to look up at Teddy.<p>

The elf's eyes widened in alarm as he stood, frozen to the spot...

"RUN, TEDDY!" Carrie yelled from back over the road, and when Teddy merely continued to stare in shock, Cleo felt somewhat bad for him.

She scrambled to her feet and dashed over to him, seizing him by the arm.

"Well?" she cried, yanking him into movement as the first snowball soared through the air, missing him by mere inches. "You heard Carrie! RUN!"

And with that, the two of them fled.

Despite her son's claims to the contrary, Dora Lupin was feeling very Christmasy.

It might have been because she had been offered a little too much free mulled wine, or that she couldn't get that daft song about hags out of her head, or even the fact that fairy lights always made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. But the witch strongly suspected that the reason for her festive cheer was far more simple:

"Black or white?" her husband inquired as he turned to face her, holding up the two electrical plugs rather uncertainly, and for a moment she very nearly yanked them from his grasp so that she could reach to throw her arms around his neck, so enamoured was she by the simple fact that the two of them were out and about together for the first time in over a fortnight. Instead she puffed her cheeks in consideration, head titled to the side a little as if she were giving his question serious thought, before concluding:

"I don't know...does it matter? A plug's a plug...does Arthur have a black one?"

Remus failed to suppress a snigger as he turned to drop the white plug down beside the array of fairy lights that were on sale.

"I'm lucky enough not to know." he said, apparently deciding upon the black one anyway.

Dora watched him fish the wallet out of his pocket and pay for the bizarre gift, musing that really this had been the sort of lead up to Christmas she had wanted for years. Not the usual rushed trip to Diagon Alley on an odd day off, when they'd manage to buy a meagre number of presents and he'd be forced to shop alone to locate the rest. She seemed to have an uncanny ability to draw the short straw at work when it came to shifts around Christmas, and this year she'd failed to suppress her indignation at having Christmas Eve snatched from her grasp too. Apparently Kingsley had taken pity on her and she was now enjoying the first of not two, but three days off in a row.

"This is nice." she told Remus once he had accepted a bag from the man behind the stall and the two of them had set on up the street, her hand tucked snugly in the crook of his arm. "Where next?"

"Where do you think?" he asked as they paused in their progress to look around searchingly, only for her to catch sight of something out of the corner of her eye and give his arm a tug in the right direction.

"I have a question for you." she informed him as she frog-marched him across the street and turned their back on the fair, striding along through the snow beside the local church.

"Oh?"

"Mm..."

"What is it?"

They came to an abrupt halt at the entrance to the churchyard, and she turned to look up at him, dark eyes twinkling rather mischievously as she reached forward to toy with the buttons upon his coat.

"That song Ted was singing on the way here..." she murmured, fumbling to undo the buttons with gloved hands.

"The song about the hags?"

"Mm...that's the one..."

"What about it?"

As she won the battle against the last button, Dora shuffled closer to him, reaching to slip her hands into the warm inside of his coat, the smooth lining sleek against her wooly fingers. As he consented to drawing the long coat around the two of them, she looked up at him, chin pressed against his chest.

"Would you?" she whispered, fighting a grin, and he pursed his lips tightly together in an attempt to look serious.

"Would I kiss a hag under the mistletoe?"

"Mm. I don't think you would."  
>"No?"<br>"No. I don't think you've got the guts."

"I don't have the guts?"

"Nope!"

"I'm offended, darling..."

"Are you telling me you would, then?"

"If it's merely a question of having the guts, then yes, of course I would..."

"Prove it."

Remus opened his mouth to point out a distinct lack of mistletoe, only for her gaze to dart keenly sideways. The werewolf followed her gaze to spot a familiar looking sprig of greenery hung beneath the wooden arch that served as the churchyard entrance.

"Busted." the witch observed triumphantly, and with a heavy sigh Remus allowed her to lead a slightly awkward shuffle sideways until they were stood just under the archway.

As he watched his wife's grinning heart-shaped face lengthen and mutate into a hideous spectacle of warts, sprouting hairs and one eye that looked almost ready to pop from it's socket, Remus failed to resist the urge to lean backwards a little.

"I do hope this isn't some major new look you're thinking of adopting..." he murmured as her neat, choppy hair lengthened under her woolly hat to a mass of tangled rats tails.

"Maybe when I hit eighty." the metamorphmagus decided, grin revealing an array of yellow, decaying teeth and a good few gaps. "So go on then, prove it!"

"Dora..." he began to protest, only for her to seize hold of the scarf around his neck and demand to know:

"Where's that goodwill to all men then, hm?"

"I know hags are listed as Beings these days, but really..."

Dora gave the scarf a sharp tug, forcing him to lean forwards, but he promptly screwed his eyes shut and buried his face in her shoulder.

"Lucky me," he murmured as she gave a huff of laughter. "I missed!"

Dora reached to grasp fistfuls of his jumper in her hands, cracked lips curving into a smile.

"You, Remus Lupin, are absolutely, without doubt the most wimpish and..." her analysis of his efforts was cut off abruptly when he drew his head away from her shoulder, reached to cup her wart covered face in his hands, and leant to press a firm kiss to her lips. When he didn't draw away immediately she allowed her morph to falter until his fingers found themselves tracing the familiar smooth line of her jaw and when she failed to suppress a snigger against his lips he finally leant back somewhat reluctantly.

"What was it like?" she asked, peering up at him eagerly, and the werewolf's forehead came to rest against hers, his expression smug.

"Not at all alike the true article, I'm sure." he mused, attempting to flatten her hair after its sudden growth spurt and subsequent shrinking.

"No? Why not? Was I not hideous enough?"

"On the contrary, you were shockingly foul. But there lies the problem, you see: _You_ _were_ _you_."

"And if you hadn't known I was me?" the witch asked, lips brushing his chin.

"Oh I would." he assured her, pulling the coat more firmly around them. "Whatever you looked like I'd know you anywhere."

She shifted to slide her arms around his neck, and for a long moment they simply smiled serenely at one another.

"It's going to be a good Christmas, you know." she concluded, leaning to kiss him, only to lean back in order to ask: "So...what shall we do now?"

"Hm..." his eyebrows knitted together thoughtfully and as she stepped back and allowed him to button up his coat, he wondered: "What would you say to sharing a bag of roasted chestnuts before we attempt to drag the children home in time for lunch?"

"Sounds like a plan." Dora agreed, and with that she reached to take hold of his hand and they set off up the road.

The queue for chestnuts was inevitably a long one, and as they stood in line talk turned to a subject that they had been happily disregarding since they had first watched Teddy and Carrie dashing off to explore.

"What d'you suppose they're up to?" Dora wondered, head coming to rest against her husband's shoulder, and as he kept his gaze firmly fixed upon the backs of the people in front of him, Remus murmured:

"I dread to think."

The witch flinched, her grip upon his hand tightening.

"You were supposed to say _I'm sure they're up to nothing_."

Remus shot her a raised eyebrow, before obediently assuring her:

"I'm sure they're up to nothing."

"Exactly." Dora agreed as they shuffled forward a little in the queue. "It's not as if Ted is entirely incapable of behaving himself."

"And Carrie's with him."

"Stop it, I'm trying to think positive!"

Slowly they made their way to the front of the queue and watched the elderly man behind the stall scoop up a generous pile of chestnuts, depositing them in a paper bag.

"That'll be two pound fifty please, sir." the muggle told the werewolf as he handed over the bag, and Remus passed it to Dora as he reached into his pocket for his wallet. As he became engrossed in sifting through the sickles and knuts in search of muggles coins, Dora peered down into the paper bag at the chestnuts, and was about to reach in to pick one out when a sudden war-like shrieking drew her attention, and she along with the people behind her all turned towards the source of the noise.

As a very familiar looking figure dressed in a lurid assortment of bright yellow stockings, tinsel and bells charged across the road, arms flailing wildly in the air as he shrieked at the top of his lungs, the woman just in front of Dora adjusted her grip upon the little boy she had in her arms.

"Goodness!" the woman exclaimed as Dora watched Cleo Clancy stumble over in her haste to back away from her deranged assailant. "What a dreadful scene! I'd hate to be that boy's mother, wouldn't you?"

As Teddy received a snowball to the face for his troubles, the paper bag became crumpled in his mother's fist as she murmured:

"Oh yes, absolutely..." With her free hand she reached sideways to seize hold of her husband by the elbow, giving his arm a firm tug.

Remus pocketed his wallet and turned just in time to see his son and Cleo begin to sprint back across the street towards Santa's Grotto, a horde of children hot on their heels, pelting them with snowballs.

"Up to nothing indeed..." he murmured dryly, as he watched Teddy glance back over his shoulder at the other children, only to run straight into a low hanging string of fairy lights. The young wizard quickly found himself entangled in the wires, and as he struggled to get free, a snowball soared over his head, striking Santa square in the face, eliciting a horrified scream from the little girl who had been about to sit upon his knee.

As Carrie darted out from the cover of Santa's sleigh in a vain attempt to try and untangle Teddy from the lights, Dora watched in despair as Cleo stooped to scoop up some snow of her own, ready to retaliate. As the children and parents at the Grotto scattered and Santa attempted to haul himself up and out of his chair, Teddy finally lost his battle against the fairy lights and Dora watched, a dull sense of resignation in the pit of her stomach as her son fell flat upon his face, there came the distinct sound of ripping material from above him as the fairy lights tugged down the Grotto's canvas roof...

"Oh Merlin..." both Lupin adults found themselves muttering as they watched Santa and his elves scramble this way and that in a vain attempt to avoid the mayhem and destruction. A trio of elves, who had been sheltering behind Santa's chair from the snowballs, found themselves smothered by the falling canvas, and as a fourth elf attempted to flee over towards the sleigh, only to trip over a fallen clump of tinsel with a cry, Dora wondered:

"So what should we do?"

Remus watched Teddy struggle back onto his feet, only to stumble sideways into an enormous sack stuffed full of presents, which promptly toppled over, spilling presents out over the cobbled road.

"Well...we _could_ pretend he's not ours?" the werewolf suggested as Carrie gave up on trying to help and set about pelting her friend with snow instead.

Dora pursed her lips together in consideration of this idea as one elf managed to fight his way free of the fallen canvas, leaving his two companions to stumble around until they unwittingly staggered into the Christmas tree in the corner, sending both them and the tree tumbling to the floor, scattering multi-coloured baubles this was and that. The angel atop the tree was catapulted through the air and became impaled head first in Santa's beard, eliciting a yelp from the now not-so-jolly fat man.

Mind made up, Dora turned her back on the chaos, reaching to unscrew the paper bag that she was holding and offered:

"Chestnut, Sweetheart?"

Remus tore his eyes away from the sight of a shrieking Cleo, clutching a snowball and running full pelt down the road after an unfortunate elf who appeared to have lost his hat. Looking down at the little paper bag, the werewolf reached to select himself a chestnut with a grateful murmur of:

"I'd love one."

**Finish.**

**Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!**


End file.
